There's a lot going on up there

So today was day 7 out of 11. I had a pretty good residential. No major dramas or anything. I think for me in my new job things are getting tough, because I just feel I want make young people's lives better but in a more instant way. I have begun to think that working in groups is not my way forward and that for once in my life I need to have a plan for my future. I want to be able to work with one or two individuals and really make an impact. I want to help them to move forward in life and support them in everyway possible. One young person this weekend has really highlighted that for me. I know quite a bit about his background, he is pretty tiring, but has that really cheeky way that makes him more likeable to work with. I know he knows how to work the system and that he has learnt over the years how to say the right thing, but every now and again, a brief comment from him really made my mind whirr. Telling me about his foster carer Janet that he went to when he was 13, but although he only stayed two years and then things got too tough so he moved on, he still looks at her as being the one who had the biggest impact. He says that she is the one that has prevented him from going to prison and that he knows she's there for him for the rest of his life. That would be a pretty amazing feeling, knowing that you have had such an effect on a young person. I know I have, as recently I recieved a few letters from a girl that I keyworked when I worked in a children's home, but the thing is and I suppose this is a selfish view, I want to be able to feel that impact in myself. What I need to figure out is this a greater need in myself to fufill my own peace of mind, or is it a desire to support others and empower them to make a change in their lives.

I guess what I need to think about is where I want to go from here. Obviously I'm not planning on giving my job up tomorrow but I am seriously thinking about the future, something I never do, except for when planning my social calender. Those things don't seem very important right now though. I'm not sure if fostering is the route that I will take, I don't know if I am too precious with my own social needs to be able to give all that up and become a 'mum'. I feel right now that I want to just go away by myself and think. I don't want to be surrounded by people, which is a strange concept for me. I want to have time to collect my thoughts and make decisions about where I go from here. Strange thing is tomorrow I am supporting young people (one of who is the one I spoke about before) to interview prospective foster carers. So that's going to add more food for thought!