So today was day 7 out of 11. I had a pretty good residential. No major dramas or anything. I think for me in my new job things are getting tough, because I just feel I want make young people's lives better but in a more instant way. I have begun to think that working in groups is not my way forward and that for once in my life I need to have a plan for my future. I want to be able to work with one or two individuals and really make an impact. I want to help them to move forward in life and support them in everyway possible. One young person this weekend has really highlighted that for me. I know quite a bit about his background, he is pretty tiring, but has that really cheeky way that makes him more likeable to work with. I know he knows how to work the system and that he has learnt over the years how to say the right thing, but every now and again, a brief comment from him really made my mind whirr. Telling me about his foster carer Janet that he went to when he was 13, but although he only stayed two years and then things got too tough so he moved on, he still looks at her as being the one who had the biggest impact. He says that she is the one that has prevented him from going to prison and that he knows she's there for him for the rest of his life. That would be a pretty amazing feeling, knowing that you have had such an effect on a young person. I know I have, as recently I recieved a few letters from a girl that I keyworked when I worked in a children's home, but the thing is and I suppose this is a selfish view, I want to be able to feel that impact in myself. What I need to figure out is this a greater need in myself to fufill my own peace of mind, or is it a desire to support others and empower them to make a change in their lives.

I guess what I need to think about is where I want to go from here. Obviously I'm not planning on giving my job up tomorrow but I am seriously thinking about the future, something I never do, except for when planning my social calender. Those things don't seem very important right now though. I'm not sure if fostering is the route that I will take, I don't know if I am too precious with my own social needs to be able to give all that up and become a 'mum'. I feel right now that I want to just go away by myself and think. I don't want to be surrounded by people, which is a strange concept for me. I want to have time to collect my thoughts and make decisions about where I go from here. Strange thing is tomorrow I am supporting young people (one of who is the one I spoke about before) to interview prospective foster carers. So that's going to add more food for thought!  

Gosh I had kind of forgotten about blogging. It hasn't really been a prioirty. I guess I haven't really had the head space to just sit, think and type. Life seems pretty hectic. I am kind of enjoying my new job, although at times I am still doubting that it is really me. It just feels like time is flying past. I kind of feel unorganised for xmas and new year. By now I am usually done shopping and have NY invites printed and handed out. I wish I could say it was because I was more laid back, when the truth is, I just haven't had the time or the focus.

I am really looking forward to 2 weeks off over Christmas, I usually have more time, but as I am going to New York in February and I wanted a week off in March too, I guess I needed to save some time to take off then! Time off....what a lovely thought, I am currently on day 5 of an 11 day stretch. Fortunately today I don't start until 330, I should be doing something constructive, but I have a nasty cough and have sat around watching tv all morning! Maybe not constructive, but certainly relaxing!

This week I graduated. It was odd. Wearing strange clothes. Didn't really feel the speeches. Them praising us for all the struggles of working hard. I really didn't work that hard. It just happened. I got the giggles when all the professors walked in. They looked pretty silly. I also got hit on the head with a mortor board. Who invented throwing them up in the air. Surely England should have banned that for H&S reasons by now.

I am off to Finland tomorrow for a week. I am not that excited about it. I have to leave my house at 5am. I would rather be going somewhere hot. Without young people. With friends. To eat good food and drink loads of wine, smabucca and jack. But not in the same glass.

When I return the house will be a household of 4 plus 2 rats. I'm kind of excited about that. Probably not so much about the rats though. My cousin Amy will be gone as well, that's pretty sad. Anyway I am going shopping now. I am using Finland as an excuse to buy new things. I don't usually need an excuse!

apparently! Well actually it was a lovely day though. The morning with Mike and Bethan (although she doesn't count as one of the trio!) making brunch, eating it, chatting and then me leaving them with the washing up!

Then the afternoon with Sam, painting our new middle lounge. Discussing strange things about midgets and church (seperate converstaions not midgets going to church)

Then the evening with Marcus. Eating chinese and watching Mims Island, which kept us mostly entertained for an hour or so, limiting our need to be mean and sarcastic to each other. Although we obviously got some jibes in, otherwise we would leave each other feeling confused about our friendship.

So yeah a lovely boy day. I'm sure I am the envy of girls afar.

Gosh, I forgot about my blog. I think because I usually go here to then link to John's but as he is away I have had no need! I guess quite a lot has been going on. But I really can't be bothered to write about that in detail, I will do a few bullet points!

• I have been on two residentials at work, they exhausted me and I dislike the people I am currently working with even more
• I have 4 new pets, they are in my pond in the garden. I am finding the responsibility quite difficult and can't pick names for them.
• I am going to the New Forest today, Newport next week and then France at the end of August.
• I have not been falling out with my closest friend!!!
• I went to see Scouting for Girls and the Hoosiers, it was fun!
• I had my birthday and actually enjoyed myself
• I am getting a new housemate at the beginning of September and possibly another two!
• I have just over three weeks left in my current job and am desperate to start my new one!

 So thats it in a brief form, plus lots more beside. Maybe I will remeber to blog again next week!

Well the plan for today was to go to the beach with Jo and Evie....however it is very grey outside and not looking much like browning on the beach weather! I am not sure what we will do instead. Where the flip flop is our lovely summer?! Does it start when the kids break up from school?! I want some this week as I have time off. I do feel like I have a mamouth extended birthday week! Which is a little odd considering how I feel about my birthday and getting older! I have been having little smidgings of alcohol a day at the moment and I can already feel my left kidney (which is the damaged one) begin to ache. He's not so keen at filtering things out!! And he has the beer festival to go yet! Twice! I have just glanced through what I have written and am beginning to feel that my blog is beginning to feel like I am talking to myself, although not out loud, but through my finger tips. Although to be honest my finger tips sometimes don't go as fast as my thought processes!

I am off on a residential this weekend in Exeter for 4 nights. I am not really looking forward to it, although I will put on my best smiley happy face and make sure everyone else has a fun time! I would much rather be back here, or going away somewhere nicer.

So today's plan of doing nothing seems to have turned into a strange pub crawl!! I went to Grove Ferry with Rachel at lunch time for a shandy and then a lay in the sun (not in the beer garden though!!) and then I went to Spoons with Sadie, Sam and Nathan for some dinner. And shortly I am off to meet Mike, Bethan and people in the White Hart in Canterbury! So a good day....lets hope the rest of the week turns into spontaneous pub trips!

I have most of this week off work. With very little planned! That could be a potential problem, as I do not like spending too much time with myself! I am sure I will fit something in to do at some point!

Yesterday was a lovely day at my parents having a birthday bbq. I feel like I didn't really speak to anyone at all. But as there was quite a few people there I guess that was ok, as they all seemed to be chatting with each other! This year there were more children moving about and playing on the things my dad had set up for them! And it was just nice to sit outside eat nice food and have people around that you love. It all packed up early for most people, although Mike, Bethan, Marcus and me stayed on for a scaletrix challenge!!

So this week.......it is full of possibilities and potentially loads of beer!!